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Photography by Lauren Romano

Couples are sometimes leery about one person entering therapy alone to discuss relationship problems because they might become convinced that their partner really is to blame. It is a legitimate fear because in fact, therapy is designed to support the person who seeks it. It’s helpful if both partners can attend couples counseling so that both people feel supported at once.

But what if your partner isn’t willing to go to a couple’s counselor? Is there anything you can do that won’t jeopardize your relationship? Or what if your problem is with someone at work – is there anything you can do by yourself to improve that professional relationship? The answer to both questions is yes – relationship coaching can and usually is done with one individual. You can improve your relationship to your partner by improving yourself as a partner.

It is so easy to fall into the blame game where you believe your partner is the sole source of your relationship stress, and if only s/he would change, you’d feel a lot better. The reality is that your experience of your partner is the single greatest contributing factor to your relationship stress. 

Once you discover what you are telling yourself about your partner, you can learn to release negative thoughts and feelings right away. The tools and techniques I teach my clients to use work fast and are very effective. Not only that, you can rid yourself of long-held emotional baggage that influences your current experience of your partner, to have a happier, more relaxed and vibrant relationship.

Best of all, you can do it by yourself (with the support of your relationship coach) and your partner doesn’t need to be there or even to change their behavior. By teaching clients how to use the techniques themselves they improve faster and maintain their progress. The strides you make in dealing with your partner will spill over into other aspects of your life, making you a happier and more confident person overall.

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