Wishing all of you a healthy and happy Thanksgiving! 🦃
This is a FEATURE ARTICLE of my exclusive newsletter, Unforgettable Embrace.
If you are tired of struggling with your partner, then let me share a secret with you. I’m going to cut right to the chase and tell you what you need to know. The way to be happy long-term in your relationship is to have no expectations. When you have expectations, and they’re not met, then you feel disappointment. When you’re disappointed you’re not happy. And when your expectations are met there is no happiness, there is only a feeling of, “Of course, I knew it all along.”
Look at what happens when your expectations in your relationship are not met: you start trying to make your partner change. You want your partner to behave in a particular way and they don’t. You start prodding them and encouraging but it doesn’t work. You feel disappointed and frustrated that you’re efforts aren’t working. Then, you might get angry or try to force them to behave the way you want. If nothing works, you might give up and feel bitter and resentful.
Unmet expectations lead to bitter disappointments. This is the root of your dissatisfaction in your relationship. The solution and key to happiness is to let go of all expectation.
On this rainy morning I began to feel bad. My anxiety had caused me to wake up earlier than usual, and I felt an uncomfortable sensation around my heart. I realized that I was worried about some big tasks I needed to finish – would I be able to complete them and would I get them done on time? It didn’t seem likely.
I realized that this feeling had to be related to the meaning I was giving to the situation, so I decided to see if I could work with the meaning to feel better. Since I am a coach and I work with this technique all the time, I knew that no matter how bad I felt right now, that I could change that in a short amount of time with this technique.
But as I thought about how stressed I was to finish these things on time, a new issue arose: I had to do it all myself. How come no one would help me!? My dear husband was concerned about me and tried to comfort me. Even though I knew he cared about me, his attempts to make me feel better seemed futile.
At this point, I began to feel very bad. Not only did I have what seemed like monumental tasks to complete, that I would never finish on time, but it seemed no one could help me with it either. I felt so bad I began to wonder if I was coming down with something physical.
What I discovered was that underneath of trying to “get things done” was a deeper belief around not getting the help I needed. I realized that “doing things” was probably only a reaction to trying to get the help I needed. In other words, if I was helpful as a child, or did what I was “supposed to do”, then my parents would look favorably on me and I would (hopefully) get my needs met.
Rather than tackle the concern that came up first, “I’ll never finish on time”, I decided to start with what I thought was more primary: the belief that no one looks after me. Using the negative belief elimination technique I was able to go through this whole process and rid myself of both in about one hour. I feel great again!
I still have some important things to do, and I have every intention of working on them today. But I’m not stressed about them now. It seems that maybe I’m not coming down with something after all. And the sound of the rain seems pleasant and comforting now, instead of dark and dreary like before.
The best part of all is that these two negative beliefs will not be triggered again. Not only do I feel better right now, but I will be spared of grief in the future, because they will not come up again. If you have negative beliefs that are troubling you, I can help you get rid of them permanently.
I would love to hear your comments about this post! Please send me your thoughts in the box below. Thank you!