What Your Relationship Needs is Your Presence

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listening, paying attention, Relationships

One of the topics in the Couple’s Communication class that I teach has to do with Active Listening. It’s call active listening because it requires focused attention on what the other person has to say. Many people spend their time hearing, not listening, and waiting patiently or impatiently for their partner to finish speaking. While their partner is talking, they are thinking about their own ideas, opinions, and what they want to say. They aren’t really listening.

When we focus on restating it becomes clear that they were lost in their own thoughts. They can’t remember what their partner said so they can’t restate it. Try it yourself. You’ll see how much focus it takes to be able to listen to more than a few sentences so that you can repeat it back. Restating is a great tool to help people realize just how little they listen. It forces you to focus on the message.

But there’s something even more important than listening to the words and ideas. It’s about being present for your partner. When your partner is trying to communicate with you, this is a perfect time to show up and be present, and not just in body. Being present is about realizing that there is a living, breathing human being right in front of you, and that you are together at that moment. It’s a form of deep connection based entirely on your full awareness and openness to who and what is before you. Your complete attention and presence will heal and transform your relationships as well as your discussions.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Tags

Love, Valentine's Day

Have a lovely day! 😍

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tags

Gratitude, Happy Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving

Enjoy your time with friends and loved ones!!!

She Gave Up Her Dream of Romance

What do you think? I just read an article (link at the bottom) about a woman whose partner does not show her the romantic gestures she desired. I say, “desired” and not “desires” because she presumably has given up on her romantic ideals. Do you think that one partner should give up their dream of romance because it doesn’t come naturally to the other partner? This article says yes, and to be grateful for what you DO have in your relationship.

I disagree.

Personally, I believe anyone can LEARN, grow and improve, *if* they are willing to put in some effort. Just like improving your eating habits, increasing exercising, or making other healthy lifestyle changes require self-discipline, thought, and effort. Every medical expert will encourage you to make healthy changes that aren’t always easy or feel *natural*. The same is true for our mental health and our social skills. I encourage you to take the health of your relationship seriously and don’t allow bad habits to create festering “dis-ease” between you and your partner.

We can appreciate the current positives in our relationship AND continue to grow and mature into better partners. As a relationship expert, I can tell you that making small changes over time will strengthen and improve your relationship. Those changes will be cumulative and determine your relationship happiness for a lifetime. 💞💪🏽🌈  #RelateGreat

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/wanting-more-unromantic-husband-epiphany-fiff/

What Women Over 40 Shouldn’t Do

Tags

Empowerment, list, over 40, Women

It happened again! A friend posted another one of those pesky lists with “advice” for women over 40!! But instead of discouraging me with all of its “You’re too old to” nonsense . . . it motivated me! Yup. It inspired me, a woman over 40 who actually knows what a woman over 40 should and shouldn’t do, to – instead of following their advice – to write my own *ahem* darn list. So, here it is and I hope you enjoy it!

What Women Over 40 Shouldn’t Do

 

 

1. Worry about your appearance. Let’s get a few things straight, shall we? A woman’s purpose is not to visually stimulate others. Your worth is not contingent on the appearance of your body. The way you look should please you first and foremost, and your happiness with your looks is strictly an inside job. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else by obsessing over models in magazines, actresses, or social media stars. Break the mold and be your one and only you.
2. Diet to be thin. Food choices should provide optimal health to your body and gustatory delight – that’s it. The main purpose of food is to fuel your activities and support the health of your body. Food choices shouldn’t be made based on what the scale says or whether you will fit into the currently prescribed cultural ideals. If you need to lose weight, do it to prevent type 2 diabetes, atherosclerosis, heart attacks, sleep apnea, back and foot pain, and any other medical condition related to obesity.
3. Worry about what other people think of you. Stop listening to other people who tell you how to lead your life. You’re in charge of your life and no one can run it for you. Make your decisions based on what is best for you. If you do that, you’ll be healthy and happy. Allow others to do the same and find their own path. If we all did this we could live together in harmony.
4. Spend all of your energies helping others. Women can be very nurturing by nature and by socialization, and that ability to help and support others can be taken advantage of. Don’t allow others to exploit your kindheartedness by directing all of your resources to benefit others. Limits are healthy! When we use our energies to help ourselves, we’re no longer dependent or a burden on others. We become self-empowered dynamos!
5. Underestimate yourself. You may have heard that your choices were limited to what was socially acceptable for girls or women. Family members, teachers, or others may have set their sights for you at a lower bar. You don’t have to buy into this limited thinking. Your possibilities are truly unlimited. Your success is based more on the strength of your desire than any other factor, including how much money you currently have, level of education, and experience.
6. Wait to do the things you want to do. The clock is ticking. You’ve reached an age where you have more power and status than you’ve ever had before. You’re old enough to call your own shots and young enough to be able to enjoy it. Don’t wait for others to allow, approve, encourage, condone, sanction, or otherwise give you the green-light to pursue your interests and desires. Just like there is “no right time to have a baby” there is no perfect time to make your dreams come true. You get to decide what to do and when. Go ahead and get started so your dreams don’t fade and turn into regrets. Strike while the iron is hot, baby!!

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this topic. Please post your comments below.

RelateGreat Premier Coaching Services ~ Leading Fully Empowered Lives

 

Happy Valentine’s Day

During this month of February and beyond I want to encourage you to remember what is important to you and who and what you love. There will always be numerous distractions in life but we get to choose what to focus on. Make the most of each day by choosing to focus on doing what you love the most. It will add up to a life well-lived.

You are special and one-of-a-kind! I’m so glad you are here! Happy Valentine’s Day! 💗❤️🌹

Hugs to you

The Women’s March of January 21st, 2017

Tags

hope, Love, solidarity, unity, Women's Rights

What an amazing, awe-inspiring event!!!

I am fresh off the heels of the Women’s March, a day of solidarity for women across the globe. The event began as a march in Washington D.C. to inform our new president of women’s concerns, but it spread in sister marches across the globe. There were marches in Europe, Asia, the Middle East . . . even Antartica! Yes, there were marchers on all seven continents of the globe. In some cities the gatherings were in the tens of thousands, and it morphed into a rally because there were too many people to march. If all goes well, the marches will continue and it will turn into a movement that changes the world.

Here is a picture with me in the midst of a crowd.  My sign says, “Women’s Rights = Human Rights”.

There were so many beautiful women and supportive men at the march it was surprising and wonderful. The signs and sentiments were funny and smart, and expressed everything  that women hope for around the world. There was widespread rejection of sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and all forms of hate and discrimination. There was a call for love, inclusion, equality and peace. Millions of people demonstrated peacefully, on one day, in solidarity for what is fair and right, for women, for everyone, and for the world.

I know there were many women like me who felt afraid, offended, and alone after the election of Donald Trump. This march was healing for so many of us – to feel the solidarity and connection with millions of other caring people. Marching has never felt so right before! It was also incredibly empowering. On more than one occasion I started a chant — even I was surprised by the strength of my voice and how quickly and readily others joined in. I will never doubt the power of one voice to make a difference again!

If you were there, I’d LOVE to hear your experience and if you brought a sign, what it said.

December 1st

Tags

Fun, Happy Holidays, holiday cheer

Here is a little something to cheer you this winter!

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+SuzanneBare/posts/MGGt3tryynQ?sfc=true

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tags

happiness, Happy Thanksgiving, Health

Wishing all of you a healthy and happy Thanksgiving! 🦃

What We Can Learn From This Election

Tags

Clinton, communication, Election, Relationships, Trump, Vote

Results as of 11-9-16 10:40 pm

Like many of you, I have been shocked by many of the things I’ve seen and heard during this election and even today after the results came in. It has been a particularly divisive time for the country, unlike any we have seen in a long time. How did we get to this place?

 

There are many people in this country who felt unheard. They felt taken advantage of by Wall Street and distrustful of “the establishment.” They were frustrated and angry and voted for someone they thought would shake up the government. They decided it was better to break up our current system with the hope of getting more of what they wanted.

 

The problem with this approach is that you can throw out the baby with the bath water. While there may be problems with our current system, we could find a way to fix the parts that were broken while keeping the progress we’ve made. We could even make radical change without alienating each other.

 

It’s just like a personal relationship – you can find a way to dialog and actually listen to each other, or you can give up and break up. We had two candidates, just like two partners in a relationship. One who promotes a “me first” and an “us (my favorites and supporters) against them” stance, and one who wants to include and protect the rights of everyone.

 

Obviously, you can’t have a good relationship when you put yourself first and try to hoard things for yourself, while building a wall against others. You can’t have a rational dialog when you overgeneralize the population of an entire country or religion.

 

These two candidates were as different as night and day and there seemed to be no middle ground. So many voters were conflicted about the choice that a large percentage didn’t even vote, and it was actually a very close race in terms of the popular vote. A large percentage of people who did vote are still and shock and don’t know what to make of it.

 

We can learn a lot from this election. We can learn that we need to really listen to each other. We need to talk things out before it get so bad that people want to throw in the towel. We can take note of how all the name-calling by one candidate inspired hatred and violence, and learn to take the high-road instead.

 

We can also learn to stand strong and confident even when the other person loses their cool and spews venomous insults and threats our way. And finally, we can allow people to learn from their own mistakes by letting them feel the consequences of their choices and actions – a much more powerful lesson than we could ever teach.

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I’d love to hear your comments in the section below, or posted on the RelateGreat FaceBook page: https://www.facebook.com/relategreatcoaching/